The ‘pre-teen’ years are generally between the ages of 9 and 12 but will vary depending on your child. This is often a time in which your child may look to gain more freedom, push boundaries and make big decisions on their own. They may begin expressing more opinions and are likely experiencing a lot of change; in their body, emotions, relationships and interests.
1. Developing a good relationship
Maintaining and developing a strong relationship with your child during this period of their development is extremely important as they transition from child to teenager, and furthermore to a young adult. During this transition it’s important we allow them to develop their own interests and explore a range of hobbies. Showing interest in the things they enjoy will help them feel valued and respected.
Activity ideas
Plan time to hang out, doing an activity they enjoy;
- have them teach you how to play their favourite video game,
- cook together, letting your child be head chef and tell you what to do,
- get them to teach you their favourite sport (soccer, dance, gymnastics, netball).
2. Respecting their opinions
We want our pre-teens to develop a sense of who they are in this world and the ability to form their own opinions and beliefs. Although these may not align with your own, respecting these opinions and having open discussions will allow them to develop their own view on the world, and respect the views of others.
Activity idea
Have an open discussion at dinner time. Pick a topic and ensure everyone has the time to share their view uninterrupted.
3. Managing emotions
The part of the brain that manages emotions, reasoning and decision-making doesn’t fully develop until a person is in their mid-20s. As your child goes through the changes that come with being a pre-teen, they may begin experiencing bigger and more complex emotions. Tuning in to these emotions and helping them work through them will allow them to develop a greater ability to manage these on their own. Listen to your child, validate their emotions and manage them together.
What does this look like?
- Keep calm
- Listen more than you speak
- Respect that the emotions they are feeling are real
- You don’t always have to ‘fix’ the problem; be calm, present and listen
4. Set fair and clear family rules
During the pre-teen years, your child is likely to want more freedom e.g., staying up later or going to the movies with friends; and maybe pushing boundaries. Set family rules together that are fair and clear. Speak collaboratively with your child, explain why the rules are there and re-evaluate them often. You may have different rules for different times of the year, or days of the week e.g., school term vs school holidays.
Activity idea
Write or type the family rules together, make a fun poster, and place it up on the fridge.
5. Independence and opportunities for responsibility
Providing safe and supported opportunities for independence building is important to ensure your child can build their resilience, responsibility and ownership. Giving your child space to complete tasks independently will allow them to test their skills and take positive risks. Facing challenges and failing is important as it builds awareness of our own limitations and builds resilience.
Activity ideas
- Learning a new skill
- Extra-curricular activities
- Volunteer opportunities
If you would like to learn more or have questions about building your child’s independence, please speak to your child’s therapist, or feel free to contact us at OTHC.
