Why is confidence important?
Confidence allows us to feel ready for life’s experiences, whether they are new, challenging or routine. Feeling confident allows us to give things a go, use our skills to overcome challenges, and feel secure.
For children, having confidence allows them to go out into the world and engage in opportunities that are going to allow them to learn and grow. It also allows them to show resilience when things don’t work or are challenging, providing them with the internal reassurance that they can try again.
Negative experiences impact a person’s confidence, whether it’s a negative comment, failing at a task, not making a sports team, losing a competition, or getting a poor mark. As adults we can definitely think of many experiences in which our confidence was impacted, both positively and negatively.
What does a confident child look like?
Every child is unique and shows their confidence in different ways. Some children outwardly show their confidence while others may do it more subtly. Confident children will;
-
- try new things: they are happy to give anything a go
- persist when things get hard or fail, before asking for help.
- take risks; confident children believe in their ideas and abilities, therefore are more willing to try different things.
- make decisions independently
- demonstrate resilience
How to build confidence in your child?
1. Celebrate the small wins
Recognising your child’s individual strengths, and celebrating their achievements is a great way to bring their attention to the things they can do. Celebrate measurable successes ‘you just wrote that word all by yourself, I am so proud’, as well as personal successes e.g. ‘I am so proud of you for showing kindness to Penny today’. It’s also important to recognise when your child has overcome something that they find challenging e.g., have a 2min dance party when your child writes a letter the right way.
2. Let your child fail
It may seem a little backwards, however failing is an important life experience that allows your child to recognise that not succeeding is ok. By failing, your child will develop their resilience and learn that they won’t be able to succeed in everything they do. By having this resilience, they will be able to deal with challenges they face, and be better at maintaining their confidence.
3. Don’t compare them to other children or siblings
We all know that each and every child is completely unique and it’s important that we don’t compare. Comparing children can cause increased anxiety and self-doubt, often leading to avoidance of new or challenging tasks. Recognising all children’s strengths, rather than individual challenges also develops their ability to be happy for others, and be a good sport.
4. Set achievable goals with your child
Setting and achieving goals is a great way for children to actively see their progress and build their confidence. It’s important to set measurable goals that are achievable for your child. Set short term goals that your child wants to achieve. For older kids you can set longer term goals with shorter goals that will help them along the way, and provide a sense of achievement.
Find the ‘just right’ challenge
Finding the ‘just right’ challenge means to find the point of difficulty between too easy and too hard. We want our children to succeed and gain a sense of achievement, however if a task is too easy, they will gain little from the experience.
5. Use positive problem-solving language
The language we use can shape the way our children think about the challenges they face. Using positive problem-solving language allows your child to work through something that is tricky, building their resilience and problem-solving skills. By supporting your child to work through a challenge they will gain a sense of achievement, rather than the sense that they can’t do it.
Instead of: ‘let me do it for you’
Try: ‘I can see that is a little bit tricky, could you change the way you do it?’
6. Be a role model
We know that children learn through watching and listening. By demonstrating positive self-talk you’re showing your child that we need to be kind to ourselves. It is also helpful to share difficulties that you have faced to normalise that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Children with increased positive self-talk are more likely to try new things and show resilience when faced with a challenge.
Positive affirmations are a great way to teach your child to speak kindly to themselves. You could make some cards or write a little mantra to say each morning.
7. Embrace imperfection
As adults we know that perfection is unrealistic, and it is important that our children understand this from an early age. With the increasing influence of social media, it is important that they understand that although someone’s life may look perfect, no human is, and that’s totally ok. Highlight when you make a mistake and use positive language to show your child that its totally ok.
Example: ‘oh no! I forgot to get the meat out to defrost. That’s ok sometimes we make mistakes and we can just change our plan and have something else of dinner’
8. Advocate!
Most children spend a significant amount of their time at school, and their learning environment should be one in which meets their needs. Don’t be afraid to advocate for inclusivity and positive support so that your child can develop their confidence at home and at school.
Children’s confidence will go up and down, it’s our job as adults to provide them with the skills to manage challenges and show resilience.
If you have any concern about your child’s confidence and how it is impacting their daily activities, please reach out to us at hello@occupationaltherapy.com.au or call us on 9913 3823.
